I have found myself thinking darker and darker lately… The gym is really the only place I feel normal. That is why I am always there. I am a weird dude. I know this… I just hate having it rubbed in my face by people.
I used to be such a people person. I used to really love the interaction. Now I try to avoid most if I can. Even women, when I go out. I get approached all the time now, and most of the time I have this very uninterested look on my face, or I just start talking quantum theory and how my philosophy in the weight room is not that far off of how I perceive life. After that, they tend to leave, lol…
I also put my body through hell; because I am very unsatisfied with my life, how my life is going and why I have trouble changing it. So, I put myself through large amounts of pain. Most of it can be fixed with Cash, lol which I have very little of. I try creative outlets, but I always come full circle.
Working out makes me feel good, makes me feel good about myself, gives me the confidence to be me more than what everyone else expects me to be. I have always hated that.
Putting demands on me is a great way to get me to hate a person or group of people. I am not permanently grumpy lol. However, most of the time, yeah I have a negative outlook on things, and I just try to keep quiet long enough to get to the gym to have my release and self-torment.
Because let’s face it. I can talk some serious shit to put other people in a horrible way for the rest of their day/week. I have a knack for saying those kinds of things that really wake up a person’s mind and later hatred, lol. Yes, it is a gift, I think. (As I Listen to TYPE O NEGATIVE – EVERYONE I LOVE IS DEAD).
Why do I have to take steps backward and accommodate other people’s demands on me? I tend to go forward, one speed. Fast… I don’t take steps backward. I never did and when I did that is when fear/loneliness/instability/self-doubt crawled into my life, taking it in directions I did not want to go.
With all that said, I am not that far off… Really I am not… I only need a few things to go right to correct these issues and poof I am off to the races.
I am pretty sure I could make money as a writer, but it’s such a tough field to crack into. Plus, who the hell reads anymore when people can just use that dumb-smart phone of theirs and go on YouTube. Also very few of you will read this, this I know as well…
I think that is what sets me apart from others. I actually wanna communicate, but most only wanna do that in 5-word responses, emojis and change the subject.
FB/Texting has changed the way people talk now. They now can hide and do not have to be actually accountable/personal about their responses or their lack of.
My window is always open. Climb through or don’t, it’s there. If it was all easy, everyone would be doing it… Get this, NO ONE is doing it, NO ONE is doing anything… Not even trying, they say they try. I always say DO… Stop wasting O2…