On October 6th, 1966. Star Trek originally aired the episode “The Enemy Within.” This is the episode where a transporter malfunction splits Captain Kirk into two halves: one, a weak indecisive forgetful Captain, the other a violent, drunk who tries to rape his Yomine. I watched this for the first time in years. I watched it before bed and was laying there thinking about 2 halves.

The Good… The Evil…

Something I do not really believe in. I feel that Good and Evil are natural things, but we as humans, misinterpret the message. As Obi-Wan said, “from a certain point of view.” We, humans, put more emphasis and meaning on it than it naturally is.

I have been battling both sides of myself for years. Probably my whole life and only noticed it when I was in the 8 to 9-year-old range. I have never done anything Evil and if I have it was without my conscious thought knowing it, as an Evil Act.

All I have ever wanted was to be happy. All the work I have done, all of it, measures it up to what I am now. There are, and will be, always people in our lives that do not measure up to you. I will always meet people that I don’t measure up to.

However, when I see people that do not measure up to me. I let them know. I tell them as bluntly as I can say it, so there are never any mixed communications. I’d rather have someone hurt and pissed at me than giving them a mixed signal.

However, for me, when I do not match up to someone they tend to not say much and just quietly put limitations on me. Leaving little hints to keep my attention on them while it is not being fixated on them at the same time. This to me is absolutely maddening and frustrating to me and lessens my spiritual growth. I have never had an issue with telling someone, get away from me, you bring no good into my life, so why are they there? On the flip side, I never get that. They just continue to suck the life out of me in small and subtle little ways.

The emotional vampire in all its glory.

Now I have met Emotional Vampires that were literally life-sucking and life-altering scabs of the world. These people get off on the chaos they bring. They love to see that misery unfolding in that person’s life. Then there are the kind people who do not really mean any harm, but do it because they can’t see the bigger picture that they cannot have the best of both worlds sometimes.

Sometimes people are who they are and putting limitations on them only hurts them, yet they cannot let go. I can let go just fine. I have switched over paradigm’s so many times now I cannot even relate to the 8yr old that used to stay up late and watch Star Trek reruns on a snowy rabbit ears TV set from 1986.

The struggle is very real.

We deal with the, what we want and what we need every day. Me, I tend to put things in either a want and/or a need category. Never both at the time. I used to be spontaneous and just do whatever, now everything has to have its plan. Like KIRK, his negative side is where his WILL to command his StarShip comes from. For me, its my will to keep pressing forward even when I am taking 2 steps back and 1 forward.

I see a lot of people, yes a few younger than me, just lost. So phony… They have no clue how to, what to, think to, its just one line of BS Pity Party after another. I do not know how many times I can point it out to people.

You fail, because you tend to expect more for less. This level of entitlement from the last 2 generations ahead of me just blows my mind. Its not an aspect of working hard, when you have to work, its the aspect of working hard all the time… Be it Gym, work, church, friendship, relationship.

Why does the guy work so hard to gain a woman’s attention / affection and then just STOP when he has her? NOOOooo, man, your work is just starting. It’s not hard work to get her, but it’s even harder work to keep her. So stop quitting. That was an example. Not a real-life situation people. The topic is the balance of dealing with your inner demons and using your intelligence to have a happy medium so you can be the best version of yourself.

I am tired of the fantasy that it has to be this criteria or nothing. BULLSHIT, people… BULLSHIT. You will never have your fantasy come true. Think about what is important and what it is you need and except that. That is not settling. Its understanding the fantasy doesn’t exist and no matter how many years of school you go, or how many douche bag guys or girls you might go through or what job you might work at, making whatever. The fantasy is not real. It’s not an act of evil up on you, its reality. Take that frustration and use your intelligence to build a happy medium between the 2.

For some reason, someone ~ somewhere taught people that it is normal to piss on people if they do not fit that exact criteria of their fantasies. Well here is some truth. Take a look at all your friends, all your friends in couples and what not. How many do you know that are actually happy? Of all the hundreds of people I know. I know very few that are actually happy with one another. I wonder why that is???

“Being split in two halves is no theory with me, Doctor. I have a human half, you see, as well as an alien half, submerged, constantly at war with each other. Personal experience, Doctor. I survive it because, my intelligence wins out over both, makes them live together. If I seem insensitive to what you’re going through, Captain, understand – it’s the way I am.” ~ Spock – Star Trek – The Original Series, Season 1, Episode 5 – “The Enemy Within”

“The Enemy Within”
By David-Angelo Mineo
10/6/2015
1,064 Words