The Tick

It starts as an itch, so you scratch it. It goes away. The itch returns and you repeat the process. This goes on for years. However, it is now not just an itch. Its a burning sensation. It is a bruise… It becomes a migraine headache. It becomes lack of sleep. It eventually becomes nightmares. These all do not coincide together, but when you count them all together they become something.

It could be a knocking sound in your head and you can barely hear it, but over time it gets louder and louder. Flash forward 30 years and now that tiny little sound becomes deafening. I call this “THE TICK.”

“THE TICK,” basically is an annoyance or discomfort in your life. At first, it doesn’t really affect the one, but the one knows it is there. Over the course of time, many years, it becomes dominant in one’s life. Now it just isn’t a “TICK,” it is a full force mental/emotional condition.

What was failed to be seen was this “TICK” / “TICKING” in one’s perception slowly, but surely, became something that effects one negatively, but in such a small amount one doesn’t see it till the culmination of its effects on the years it has been there.

Slowly, it can drive a person somewhat insane. It can also lead to long term depression. The reason why I call it “THE TICK” is because, think of it like a very quiet metronome in the back of your perception, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick tock. When one first notices it. They can barely perceive it, if they can perceive it at all with all the other white noise of life around them throughout the day.

Perhaps one can only notice it at night. When they lay down for bed and that quiet. You ever ask someone that sleeps with their fan on even though it is cold in the room, as to why they have it on? Probably in some cases, they just cannot have total quiet in the room. Then they notice the tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, again.

This tick, tock could literally be anything. I am just using that to put it in terms for you, the readers. I am not even going to attempt to try to explain what mine are. I can tell you my nerves are shot from years of these, plural.

The final effect is a complete lack of motivation, energy, feeling of light at the end of the tunnel. I have no doubt that some people kill themselves because of it. I truly believe that people that kill themselves do not want to die, literally. They just want their pain to stop, whatever/what that pain actually is.

I like to stay very busy so I do not have too much time to think about my “TICKS.” My life is far from perfect and it is very hard to stay focused on tasks sometimes. Even now, I am struggling to get this all down on my keyboard.

I should have written this when I wanted to earlier, but I had a long day of other things that required attention. I was good till I got home from running errands and realized how mentally exhausted I am from the day.

I am not even sure how to wrap this up. Do not put you on the “back burner.” Whatever it is, a goal or something to make you happy. GO-FOR-IT!!!

We all have “TICKS.” Put in the work to control them. I do not believe I have ever seen something that makes them go away, but we all know what our triggers are.

I just recently had to walk out of a job because the boss was so toxic, not just at work, but in life, that, even though I knew I couldn’t just walk out on my job, I had to do it. My brain and nerves had hit their limit and if I didn’t leave I was treading on grounds that could have put me in a real bad spot. I am already in a bad spot, but at least I am not in jail. I can say with certainty if I did not leave right there on the spot that I would have gone to jail.

I know me all too well and I do not handle situations well when I am emotionally charged up. Who does? Me though, it’s pretty bad.

The “TICKS” in my head has affected me in such a way that I NO LONGER have the ability to just “shake it off,” as Taylor Swift says. That is a tough thing to deal with day in and day out for 35 years.

I will leave with this… If you know you have issues or “TICKS” admit they are there and start to find/do the things that make you not notice they exist. If you stay busy enough and surround yourself with amazing people I believe one can quiet down those ticks and they just become background noise.

White Noise – is background noise that masks other noise that may be present. The word Noise in reference to this blog doesn’t necessarily mean audio noise. I mean noise in perception in general. Could be audio, could be visual, could be emotional, could be spiritual. Smile…

The Tick
David-Angelo Mineo
888 Words